


The Fortress Gameshow

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Comedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-05 18:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By ElectraA gameshow comedy where Electra tries to take over the world through prize temptation! Not really Ar/Xe relationship...they more or less flirt in this one. ;)





	The Fortress Gameshow

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Xena characters. I do own Electra and other people own the other priestess titles and ranks.
> 
> Sex: There are mentions of it but noone ever really does it.
> 
> Love: Xena and Ares kina flirt and Jady and Eleec kiss.
> 
> Evil producers wanting to take over the world: YES!
> 
> Bad words: A lot!!
> 
> How do I rate this: PG-13
> 
> People getting Mad: LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE DO THAT
> 
> A cat fight between Gabby and Joxer: I'm not telling
> 
> Time this takes place in Electra Series: I'd say after Voodoo, but before Bonds of Love, Hate, and Jealousy.
> 
> Dedications: To all the girls over at The Fortress:)

Joxer:"Hello and welcome to everywarlord's favorite Gameshow Who Want's to be a Dinarare?! Now our contestants are:"

Ares:The SEXY HOTT PHAT LEATHER CLAD God Of War Xena:Warrior Bitch Xena:Hey that's princess!" Joxer:PS-the woman that better keep away from Ares or the producer will sweep down and slice the hag's head in two" Gabby:My sweethea..I mean......The Bard of Podedia! Autolocus:King of Theves Jady:Daughter of Ares and speeker to Animals PS-the person that will know suffering after the producer of this show is finished. Jady: "WHAT?!" Joxer:"Let's move on!" Eleec:The Star Warrior WindSinger:The Evil Fortress Slut Ares:"Damn right" Wind: "You know it baby!" Ceirdwyn:Gaurdian Of the Sacred Fire Wyn: "Among other things" Joxer: "OK, Next is.." Suzana:The formerly new priestess And out in the crowd we have a colection of other priestesses who couldn't make it because and I quote "I, the producer will only alow so many so that the warrior BITCH and Jady and Gabsalot will feel the rage of me, The Mi..Producer!"

Jady: Hey did you almost say....

Joxer:Let's move on!

The first contestant will be whoever can put these answers in correct order:

In what order did Xena get a major booboo?

A.a crusifiction by caesar while Gabby lay beside her  
B.broken legs by the order of Caesar   
C.a log swinging down from a tree and slamming into her stomach  
D.Electra kicking her ass in Athens, then watching her flea from the city in terror because she just didn't have what it takes

Xena:Hey!

Joxer: NO TALKING! I'm the judge thingy and I have final say! Well, except for the producer. Now, who got it? Well, It looks like WindSinger!

Xena:How did you know?!

Wind: I make it my buisiness to know when you have been hurt and beat and Ares NEVER HELPED YOU!!

Joxer:Now, the first question:

Which of the following is Ares's Favorite toy?

A.A whip  
B.you   
C.icecubes  
D.Xena 

Wind: Well......ummmmm......ME!

Joxer: Is that your final answer?

Wind: YES! It's me right?

Joxer: No, I'm sorry. Ares' favorite toy is Xena.

Xena:Has good taste

Wind: SHUT UP SLUT!

Joxer: Let's find out who our next Victum...I mean contestant is.....

Which came first?

a.The egg  
b.The chicken   
c.The corn  
d.Eleec's ego

And.....Jady got it right! C'mon up!

Jady: Nothing aginst ya baby.

Eleec:I forgive you

 

Joxer: Ready? OK.

Who is most stupid?

a.Xena  
b.Gabrielle   
c.Jady   
d.Eleec

Jady:Well, I know it isn't me......I'd like to ask the audience...

Joxer:The audience says that You are winning, with Eleec as a close second, Gabby comming in next, followed by Xena

Jady:Then I'll go with Gabsalot becaus the people don't know ANYTHING!!!

Joxer: Final answer?

Jady:DUH!

Joxer: No, I'm sorry the correct answer was you.

Jady: Who is making these questions?!

Joxer through short breths: The producer!! PRODUCER!

Jady: Who the Hell is that?!!!

Electra: Why that's easy!

Jady drops Joxer:YOU BITCH!!!! I"M NOT THE MOST!!! IT"S GABSALOT! Hey! When did you get your own show?!

Electra:Dahak gave it to me so that I can blow your self-estme and he can rule the world!

 

Joxer: *coughs*The next question is.......

Put these colors in a list of Ares' fav to least Fav.

a.red  
b.silver   
c.pink   
d.black

And Xena gets it!

 

Joxer:Now answer this question......

Who is your sidekick?

a.Gabby  
b.Ares   
c.Iolaus   
d.Callisto

Xena:Gabby, and yes that is my final answer

Joxer:That's correct! 5000 dinars! Next question:

Who was your most brilliant opponent?

a.Ares  
b.Electra   
c.Callisto   
d.Mavican

Xena:Well, Mav was more boob than brains, Callisto was good, I'l have to go with C.Callisto

Joxer:That is........wrong! The correct answer is Electra.

 

Joxer:Our next question......

Put these in order from the first to the last people Ares killed...

a.Eli  
b.Gabby   
c.Electra   
d.Killian

Ares: I never killed Killian!

Joxer: and Wyn got the answer correct! C'mon down!

Now, your first question:

Which is best?

a.chocolate  
b.sex with Ares   
c.whipcreme   
d.bathtubs

Wyn:Hey I thought everyone forgot about that! I'll have to say....ummmmmm.......chocolate!

Joxer:No, i'm sorry the answer was sex with Ares

Joxer: the next question.....

Who does Xena love most to least?

a.argo  
b.her mother   
c.Ares   
d.Gabby

And ARES GOT IT!

Gab:WHAT?!!

Ares:looks like she has great taste!

Joxer:The first question....

What does Electra look sexiest in?

a.her battle gear  
b.a bakini   
c.horns and red eyes   
d.all of the above

Ares: D.all of the above

Joxer:That's..........right! 5000 dinars!

Who is sexiest?

a.Xena  
b.You   
c.Gabrielle   
d.Electra

Ares: ummmmm.....I'll take the 50/50

Joxer here are the remaining answers

b.you  
d.Electra

Ares: HEY! Where did Xena go?! I'll have to.........just quit.

Joxer: Why?

Ares:Because if I say myself I'm a sissy, Xena I'm wrong and the girls will get mad, and Electra Xena kicks my ass.

Joxer: OK, and next.....Oh and we're out of time!

Gabby: WHAT?! No! We still have 3 minutes! You're dead idiot!

Joxer: Bu Gabby! I luv you!

 

Electra: It's so good being bad! 

  
  


The End


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